As a print-based lady of a certain age, one’s arms fail to reach far enough to bring one’s reading matter into focus. The shrinking-arm-syndrome was no surprise; dear Dr. David Kepner, D.O., had predicted, perfectly, the impending need for +1.25 bifocal magnification, at age 42. Several years and a dozen pair of spectacles later, one is completely reliant on +2.00 magnification (up close) and +1.5 (mid-range). A lady friend, Diana, meets her focal needs with “monovision,” wearing a single contact lens to allow functional close and far range vision without resort to bifocals. Late Great-Aunt Helen achieved the same result by popping out a contact to read a document or letter.
Reading glasses suited one just fine, providing a guilt-free, ongoing excuse for accessory shopping. One never had too many pair of reading spectacles! Red, blue, black enamel, oblong, cat-eye, oval, Pink for piano; rose for the pc. Tortoise shell from CVS; wire rim from Now and Then–the gamut. A beaded librarian-style neck chain completed the ensemble. One converted the necessary evil to a fashion statement.
Yet; and yet. . . One’s first stirrings of discontent arose at the beauty salon (topic of a future post), where the toxic stew of ammonia based dye corroded the legs of reading glasses slipped over unprotected ears. The stylist provided little plastic sleeves to cover the glasses, but the tiny slipcovers annoyed the wearer rather than protected the glasses.
At that moment, one longed for the return of that essential accessory of the Edwardian age, the lorgnette, briefly defined as a pair of eyeglasses perched on a handle. Here’s a fetching example. One envisions elderly characters in the Disney Mary Poppins.
Since that epiphany, the urgency only grows. Last month at an afternoon tea, one needed to read name tags on fellow lady lawyers, but fumbled the hasty handbag plunge for reading glasses. How elegantly, and discreetly, one might have sharpened one’s vision with a gentle lift of the frames perched atop their delicate handle, as one leaned ever so slightly forward, for the closer, crisper peek at the lady’s name and affiliation.
Restore elegance. Preserve dignity. Command respect.
Bring back the lorgnette!
